The Law of Love
Does Love Die or Does it Last Forever?
Paul J. Dejillas, Ph.D. February 16, 2022
My mission as an academician and educator is always to help others expand or broaden their awareness on issues and events confronting us daily. I neither wish to judge them wrong nor declare myself the sole possessor of truth.
In this respect, I do not wish to convert people. You can stay where you are, holding on to your beliefs, while maybe learning from others, in the same manner that others may be learning from you.
So, first, let's define what love is from various beliefs and perspectives.
According to the Christian bible: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT).
But this is where the issue becomes tricky and controversial today. The bible states further that: "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."
Patience, kindness, jealousy, pride, and rudeness have their level of tolerance. In some circumstances, we can be impatient, for example, when we are in a long line waiting to be served and we are in a hurry, catching up with our next schedule.
We can be so unkind when people become so dependent on us that they now depend all their needs on us for life, people who are like parasites licking our blood until we die.
Jealousy may be a sign of love. We can be elastic in our level of tolerance. But when people abuse us, we can also react unkindly, rudely, and even violently.
Contemporary science says that love lasts only about three years. Because of this, even Christians allow both moral and legal separation in their respective Canon Laws. Many governments legalize divorce and even prohibit them or one of them to come close to some kilometers to each other.
In some instances, couples simply agree among themselves to separate freely and unconditionally. Others, for various reasons, specify some conditions and have it written and notarized as prenuptial agreements. Love or not, only the engaged couple knows.
So, from whatever perspective we view the subject, love is not lasting. The societal system recognizes, tolerates, and even advocates it. Religion acknowledges and tolerates it.
But many marriages are also born out of deep love. As life goes on, couples learn from each other's weaknesses and limitations. Learning from science and religion, they make efforts to understand and correct each other's faults and mistakes as well as give space and time to each other.
When One Can Be a Playboy or Playgirl
March 12, 2022
Loving and expecting nothing in return is easier said than done. For in real life, when you really care and love somebody, you are also expecting something in return. Or if someone expresses love to you, it expects to be compensated back. As the saying goes: “Love is two-way."
To me, love remains intriguing, always arousing my fascination, interest, and curiosity for I still could not understand what it really is. Any definition always falls short of my comprehension.
Yes, they say it’s not for the mind to comprehend, but for the heart to experience. One has to be blind to cherish, protect, and care somebody lovingly.
But there’s always something missing in the alchemy of love or in the mixture of what many call "love potion" for the heart, that makes me fearful perhaps of embracing one without the other.
Yet, love is very familiar and tantalizing to me. It’s never extinguished, the reason why I’m always drawn into it.
Let’s explore love further ……
The Christian Bible has a simpler and more straightforward definition of what love is. In his Sermon on the Mount, the Lord has this to say:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." ~ 1 Corinthians 13. 1.
But nothing is as more elaborately descriptive as the Greeks, dubbed as the world’s most romantic and excellent lovers. The Greeks speaks of eight kinds of love.
1. Eros - the Greek God of attraction and sexual desire, romantic love, burning passion, defined as divine beauty or lust, the most intense type of love often associated with youth or our first great romance. This is the most feared also because it is the most dangerous. Its power could destroy you. Expressed as follows:
"My partner and I have the right physical chemistry between us."
"I feel that my partner and I were meant for each other."
"My partner fits my idea standard of physical beauty/handsomeness."
2. Philia - Shared goodwill, also known as brotherly love. Represents a sincere and platonic love, a kind of love you have for your siblings or a best friend. It's more valuable and more cherished than Eros as Philia has the power to build empires from the ground up. It exists where people share a great understanding and respect with each other.
3. Ludus - Playful love, flirtatious, teasing kind of love, synonymous with dancing and laughter, a childlike fun kind of love. This generation loves Ludus because of fleeting romances with explosively passionate but brief online skirmishes ruling.
It's all about having fun at the moment with no regard with what may happen in the future. Expressed as follows:
"I have sometimes to keep my partner from finding out about other lovers."
"I can get over love affairs pretty easily and quickly."
"I enjoy playing the game of love with my partner and a number of other partners."
4. Pragma - long-lasting love, enduring love between a married couple which develops over a long period of time, the highest form of love, a true commitment that requires understanding and compromises. It is pragmatic and flexible.
This is why it is referred to as standing in love rather than falling in love. Anyone can fall in love but it takes a conscious decision to stand in love with someone resolutely for better or worse. Expressed as follows:
"A main consideration in choosing my partner was how he or she would reflect on my family."
"An important factor in choosing my partner was whether he or she would be a good parent."
"One consideration in choosing my partner was how he or she would reflect on my career."
5. Agape - Selfless love, the love for humanity, the purest kind of love, the love you give without expecting anything in return. It's the compassionate love that makes us sympathize with and help people we don’t know. The world needs more Agape. Expressed as follows:
"I would rather suffer myself than let my partner suffer."
“I cannot be happy unless I place my partner's happiness before my own."
"I would endure all things for the sake of my partner."
6. Philautia - love of the self. The negative philautia is the selfishly egocentric and seeks pleasure, fame and wealth often manifesting itself via narcissistic tendencies.
Positive philautia is the healthy kind of love. We love ourselves for our personal growth. It is also essential for any relationship. We can only love and care others if we truly love and care for ourselves.
7. Storge – unwavering devotion, the kind of love parents feel for their children. It is natural, powerful, protective, and almost instinctive. It is a kind of love that knows forgiveness, acceptance, and sacrifice, a feeling that you would protect someone with your life even if they wrong you.
Storge does not waiver. People in the early stages of a romantic relationship often expect unconditional love. It's expressed as follows:
"Our love is the best kind because it grew out of a long friendship."
"Our love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion."
8. Mania - obsessive love. Tends to be emotionally dependent and to need fairly constant reassurance in a relationship. Someone with this love style is likely to experience peaks of joy and troughs of sorrow, depending on the extent to which their partner can accommodate their needs.
Because of the possessiveness associated with this style, jealousy can be an issue. Expressed as follows:
"When my partner does not pay attention to me, I feel sick all over."
"Since I have been in love with my partner, I have had trouble concentrating on anything else."
"I cannot relax if I suspect that my partner is with someone else."
———————
Wow, that was a mouthful of information. Many people have one or more of the eight types. Philia attracts me more than others. Yet, I know that it may not be able to stand alone for long also.
Building a Healthy Relationship with Ones Partner
June 13, 2020
Just some food for thoughts....take whatever resonates with you.
Human relationship can be liberating or enslaving. It's really up to the partners concerned. The issue of who will start to change is a touchy one but change, the two must, if only to preserve or restore a healthy relationship.
Trying to avoid any further damage by simply continuing or going back to the usual daily routine (as if one is not affected at all by what happened) maybe a good start. Time has been proven to be the greatest healer.
But avoidance alone is insufficient. Something positive needs to be done. This is where self-reflection comes in. The individual undergoes a process of listening from within and opening up to any insight that may come along the way.
What comes out during the introspection is uncertain. But the chances that something will pop up to trigger unexpected flashes of ahas and eurekas, whether this be in the form of ideas, concepts, symbols, even chance meeting of an old friend are infinite. One may just have to be ever conscious of them, for they can appear suddenly and quickly disappear anytime without notice.
This process has been proven to work effectively by highly esteemed individuals like Albert Einstein, Max Plank, David Bohme, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Rene Descartes, among others. After years of brooding over difficult problems, they realized that it's more productive and efficient to look at problems at a distance, setting them aside, so to speak, by emptying the mind.
And how did they spend their time? By just being alone, sitting on a chair doing nothing, strolling along the beach, lake, river, relaxing in the forest, cave, bathing oneself with Nature's energy, engaging in gardening and plant-based activities, listening to soothing music, riding a bicycle, or any other activities that kept them away from their work for some period of time.
Doing these things, regardless of whether the other partner is doing them or not, is much better than not doing anything at all to heal relationship wounds.
In the end, a compromise maybe reached by the individual concerned in such a way that a "win-win" situation can be arrived at. An "either-or' situation only widens the gap inflicted in the relationship. Blaise Pascal applied a similar technique in his wager argument.
(Note: Photos below are intended as jokes. Nonetheless, they hide some factual messages. I tried to be fair in expressing the views of each partner).
Albert Einstein on Love as the Fifth Force
October 12, 2016
A LETTER EINSTEIN WROTE TO HIS DAUGHTER ABOUT THE DISCOVERY OF A FIFTH FORCE WHICH, FOR LACK OF A BETTER TERM, HE CALLED IT A "UNIVERSAL FORCE OF LOVE."
LISTEN TO WHAT EINSTEIN SAID:
"When I proposed the theory of relativity, very few understood me, and what I will reveal now to transmit to mankind will also collide with the misunderstanding and prejudice in the world.
"I ask you to guard the letters as long as necessary, years, decades, until society is advanced enough to accept what I will explain below.
"There is an extremely powerful force that, so far, science has not found a formal explanation to. It is a force that includes and governs all others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe and has not yet been identified by us. This universal force is LOVE.
"When scientists looked for a unified theory of the universe they forgot the most powerful unseen force. Love is Light, that enlightens those who give and receive it. Love is gravity, because it makes some people feel attracted to others. Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and allows humanity not to be extinguished in their blind selfishness. Love unfolds and reveals. For love we live and die. Love is God and God is Love.
"This force explains everything and gives meaning to life. This is the variable that we have ignored for too long, maybe because we are afraid of love because it is the only energy in the universe that man has not learned to drive at will."
Love Unites the Holy Trinity as One
September 13, 2015
UNDERSTANDING THE HOLY TRINITY FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF QUANTUM PHYSICS
THE SYMBOLIC HOLY TRINITY HAS ITS DEEP ROOTS IN OUR ANCIENT PAST.
IN DUALITY, 2 = 1, WHILE IN THE HOLY TRINITY, 3 = 1.
STILL A MYSTERY? MATHEMATICALLY, YES. BUT IN QUANTUM PHYSICS, NO.
EINSTEIN EXPLAINS THIS IN TERMS OF THE LOVE THAT UNITES THE THREE PERSONS TOGETHER AS ONE. JOHN HAGELIN REFERRED TO THIS AS "ABSOLUTE, PURE LOVE."
THIS CONCEPTION THOUGH, STILL REMAINS TO BE EXPLORED BY MAINSTREAM SCIENCE .
THE FOUNDERS OF QUANTUM PHYSICS ARE RELUCTANT TO PURSUE THIS ISSUE FEARING THAT THEY MIGHT BE TREADING ON A GROUND THAT IS METAPHYSICAL AND OF WHICH THEY HAVE NO LOGISTICAL CAPABILITIES YET.
QUANTUM PHYSICISTS ARE, NONETHELESS, HOPING THAT THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO DISCOVER THE APPROPRIATE STANDARDS AND PROPER TOOLS FOR EXPLORATION.